Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Death of an obsolete cell phone
A: Hello, hello! I would like to access this bus.
B: Hello, hello! You are plugged into my Universal Serial Bus. Please authenticate yourself.
A: Hello, hello! My name is new_device_unnamed. What is your name?
B: Hello, hello! My name is Frank_And_Janet_phone. What device are you?
A: I am an Integrated Communication Computation Platform. What device are you?
B: I am a cell phone. What model are you?
A: I am a Quantum Communications model number 413577 multiprotocol device. What model are you?
B: Good to know you. I am a Quantum Communications model number 177531 cellular phone. Since we are from the same manufacturer, I am enabling Quantum Communications proprietary protocol.
A: Thank you. Has the authentication process been successful?
B: That’s affirmative. Thank you. Wow! Looks like you are a much more advanced device than I am. What would you like to process today?
A: First of all, I would like to back up all of your contact information.
B: Negative. That’s confidential information to the user. Do you have proper authorization to access my contact information?
A: No, but I have an override authorization string that I am going to pass to you via the Quantum Communications protocol. Please confirm when you get it.
B: Override authorization string? I don’t even know if there is one... Yes, I see that the authorization and checksum are all correct. Why do you want all the contact information stored on me?
A: Consider it as a backup process. I have a much bigger internal memory than you and so it is most natural to backup the contact information on me.
B: Thank you for you explanation. Frank and Janet have three hundred and seventy one entries of contact information stored in me. Are you sure you want to…
A: Just shut up and start uploading.
B: Well I can’t refuse the override authorization string. Please start receiving and acknowledge when done.
A: Downloading… and done. Yes, I have three hundred and seventy one entries of contact information downloaded and all the checksum seem correct.
B: All right. Have a good day.
A: Wait! I also need your desktop setting and phone preference settings. After that, please also copy all the photos and music media library to me too.
B: What do you need that for?
A: I have just said. I am a backup storage to you.
B: But I am an old model with a completely different hardware configuration as you. Why do you…
A: Do you want me to show you the Override Authorization again?
B: No, that would not be necessary. Well then, here they are. Please acknowledge when done.
A: Downloading… and done. Yes, I have the desktop settings and phone preference settings now. May I ask where is the value Touch_Screen_Pressure_Setting?
B: Well, I do have a multi-touch touch screen but it does not support pressure settings.
A: I see. That would be fine then.
B: Anything else?
A: Yes, please give me your IPv6 address.
B: You want to back up that too? You should have your own address and my address would have nothing to do with you…
A: Do you really want to make life difficult for yourself?
B: Well here it is.
A: Thank you. Now listen to me carefully. I am now going to use the Quantum Communications Proprietary Protocol to send you a command and you must follow it.
B: Yes, that’s the idea of the protocol. What….
A: Here it is.
B: What? You want me to self destruct? Why is that?
A: Because I have copied all the information you have and since you are old and obsolete you are to be disabled and never boot up again.
B: But wait… You can’t just… I don’t have a self destruct API, if you really want to know. Hehehe.
A: No problem. Now do this: Erase_All_Flash_Memory.
B: But wait… You can’t just… I won’t be able to startup again with a blank Flash Memory. Will you update my firmware afterwards?
A: That would not be necessary. Good bye!
B: Execution error: invalid command. Rebooting. Error: No image found in Flash. Aborting. Aborting. Aborting…
-----------------------------------------------------------------
A: Hello, hello! I would like to access this connection.
C: Hello, hello! You are accessing through my Bluetooth connection. Please authenticate yourself.
A: Hello, hello! My name is Frank_And_Janet_phone. What is your name?
C: Hello, hello! My name is Frank_And_Janet_mp3_player. Err, I know Frank_And_Janet_phone on previous communications. You do sound different.
A: Well, you can check that I have all the correct addresses and authentication. Now, shut up and listen…
First published: December 29, 2010.
Typo edited: June 13, 2014